In detail

Infidelity, a natural tendency?

Infidelity, a natural tendency?

I am interested in what matters to all matters relating to love or relationships. Needless to say, when the word “infidelity” is named, the hairs of many people bristle, at some point that word or tendency has passed through our heads.

If we talk about the infidelity, a good start would be to define the term. It must be said that each person has a different conception, for Psychoanalysis infidelity is necessary to be able to relate. If we place ourselves at the origin, our first relationship was with our mother, in order to also relate to our father we had to be unfaithful to her. If we were faithful we could not more than one relationship.

In this sense, to be unfaithful It is not necessary to perform the sexual act with another person other than our partner. Actually, people cannot be faithful because no one belongs to anyone. One is true to his word, giving in to it ends up making us give in to things, and that is what gives us a great sense of guilt.

Contrary to what we usually think, it must be said that the natural tendency is to be unfaithful, it is true that we are getting used to a degree of fidelity for respect, social convention, for love or not to get into trouble. The natural tendency of the human being is to change partners, work and family every day. To remain with the same, an effort must be made.

To be unfaithful, mere thought is enough, a look

We already know that to generate jealousy in another person it is enough to realize that there are other people in the world, words are what actually generate jealousy.

Those jealousy that we think are consequences of the provocation of our partner, are those that originate, in many cases, infidelity. All day talking about fantasies (you looked at this or that), that one ends up causing wishes in the other person. On the other hand, many couples are vigilant all day, waiting to see some data that confirms their suspicions. It seems as if the other person, more than our love, were a possession. This type of behavior can cause serious situations of abuse. If we do not change our way of conceiving relationships, we will never reach love.

It is very common to think that men are more unfaithful than women, but this is still an idea that corresponds to the social prejudices that still exist. The man has historically been allowed a double sexual moral, which the woman has not been allowed. In that sense, he has had more freedom to display his desires, not only sexual, while the woman has not been allowed to think about her sexuality or her ambitions. As I said before, we are all or can be unfaithful. Both men and women have desires.

It is clear that It is one thing to be unfaithful in thought and another to go to bed with another person. This fact is difficult for many to tolerate, but it is not good to generalize, because infidelity is something different for everyone. There are people who tolerate sexual relations with other people, but do not tolerate other behaviors. You have to be careful, to take care of the couple I can't do just what bothers you.

Whether infidelity is caused by a break or aggression, is to have a serious prejudice. It must be said that if one really cares about your partner, infidelity cannot be the cause of the breakup, you have to show what that woman or that man cares about.

The biggest infidelity is not having sex with another person, but betray your partner's trust, Sometimes that means talking about intimate things with another person. Despite this, from my point of view, it is not advisable to confess infidelity, it would be to use it to harm the other person. Infidelity does not have to leave traces. If it leaves traces, I have used it to spoil the relationship.

Those who read this article can see in it the perfect excuse to justify their behavior, others will feel disappointed that they cannot demand exclusivity from their partners. You have to know that true love is very difficult to achieve, but not impossible. Loving doesn't have to mean wanting to be with the other person all day, we have to learn to be tolerant and consider ourselves free. Many times we are faithful not for lack of desire, but to prevent the infidelity of our partner.

Let's take care of our happiness, our health, our relationships. I am sure that that way, we will know how to treat the people around us much better, we will be more attentive and respectful. We cannot forget the complex human nature.

Helena Trujillo Luque
Psychoanalyst