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When love becomes a drug: codependence

When love becomes a drug: codependence

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Sometimes people prefer to have extreme relationships where it is more important to have a person than their own dignity. A peer relationship (mother-son, husband-wife, boyfriend-girlfriend, etc.) must be a form of growth where interdependence is practiced among its members. However, when this is not the result of healthy living, dependency relationships are established, which can be towards people or objects.


  • 1 What is codependency?
  • 2 Who are codependents?
  • 3 What characteristics do codependent people have?
  • 4 How does codependence originate?
  • 5 What is codependency for?
  • 6 Suggestions for change

What is codependency?

Codependency can be understood as “a behavior oriented to satisfy a need without satisfying it”.

There has also been a discussion regarding whether codependency is a disease or is a symptom.

Those who observe it as a symptom, assume that in the person addicted to another person (s), they present a set of signs or signs that identify them. On the other hand, those who suppose it as a disease, suppose the existence of a dependency or an unresolved need. At the same time they assume that it is like every progressive disease and generates various alterations (physical, psychological, economic, spiritual, etc.), as well as certain traits of self-destructiveness and alterations in people close to those who suffer from it.

The discussion is likely to continue, on both levels. And, it may not be a disease, but it ends up making those who have it sick, because becomes dependent on other people.

Who are codependents?

Those people who are addicted to: drugs (alcohol, coca, tobacco, synthetic substances, marijuana, etc), food (anorexy, bulimia, eat for anxiety), when game (punters), at job (workholic's), at sex, to violence (physical and / or psychological), to relationships with other people (overprotective mothers and fathers), to love (who live their own lives through the happiness of others, these may be; children, couple, boyfriend, friends or family and others). As in any chemical formula, living with a codependent person makes the whole family sick, then then all the people who live with them, are also codependents.

It says a popular saying: “Nobody gives what does not have" And, from the election of couple we are unconsciously condemning very possibly to depend on other people.

In the courtship, the origin of the couple strongly influences the fate of the couple.

Thus, there are couples where one of the members dominates: matriarchy or patriarchy. There are also where one is the powerful and the other is rescued and helped. And, just as an inverted mirror, the dysfunctional of all possible pairs is synthesized in a pair:dominant and dominated”.

What characteristics do codependent people have?

Fundamentally they depend in one way or another on others in different ways: They are extremely loving or detached; they invent or put any pretext not to leave the relationship, even though the prognosis is that the other will hardly change; they fear making decisions and facing changes; they can be excellent people in coordinating or directing the lives of others, but not their own; They seek to control the lives of others and attempt perfection in their actions; they fear being really as they are; they constantly care about the problems of others, but not solve their own; they are overprotective in the extreme; they lose their own identity; they may appear a great strength, even if they lack it; they forget themselves for thinking of others; in relation to sex, they forget about it or do it mechanically, all this and more independently of the sex, age, or social position of the person.

How does codependence originate?

When families have attachment relationships (overprotection) or detachment (abandonment). Generally they are dysfunctional families where the rules of coexistence are very rigid or very lax. When there have been cycles of sexual abuse along with the complicit silence that this entails. The fact of living with a person was already mentioned before codependent.

What is codependency for?

Fundamentally it works like a double-edged sword, there are those who say that:it serves to protect themselves from wounds and rejection and to blame others and not take responsibility for themselves”.

Suggestions for change

  • The first step is to recognize yourself codependent, "you can not change what is not made aware."
  • Learn to take care and take responsibility for yourself.
  • Allow others to be as they are.
  • Live your own life and not that of others.
  • Abandon the past and live the "here and now."
  • Take responsibility for your own care: physical, spiritual, financial and psychological.
  • You can also go to a professional help.

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  1. Mezigar

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  2. Jerriel

    I confirm. And with this I have come across.

  3. Dutaxe

    I congratulate, this remarkable idea is necessary just by the way

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